I remember that it was cold. The kind of cold that slips through your jacket when it isn’t tucked up to your chin, and finds a home settled deep into your bones. I was sitting on the bleachers, facing the cars that would follow the bright green jackets. People getting paid less than minimum wage to direct screaming children begging their parents for fried dough and cotton candy to the next parking spot. The air bit at my nose, and we both pretend I’m sniffing because it’s cold, not because I’m still crying. “Does she ever actually talk to you?” you ask, pulling your jacket tight around your shoulders. None of us checked the weather. I let your question go unanswered. You take that as an opening to pepper me with more and watch me scroll through every message I’ve sent her. You make me relive the most embarrassing moments of my life, and even that is not enough to heat more than just my cheeks.
A way to temporarily preserve a body is by delaying the natural effects of death. To begin, the body will be washed with disinfectant spray, while the limbs are massaged to alleviate joint and muscle stiffness. The eyes will be kept shut using glue, or plastic eye caps, or cotton balls that keep the eyelids in place. The jaw will be secured shut with wires or sewing. The mouth will then be able to be manipulated into the desired position. Finally, a cannula is inserted into a major artery, and the blood is slowly drained from the body. A trocar is inserted into the abdomen, the organs in the chest and abdomen are punctured, and are drained of gas and fluid. Then, a mix of chemicals, moisturizer and a water softener (to prevent the tissues from swelling) are pumped into the body. In this process formaldehyde is added along with sprays to cover the smell. In the case that the facial features become disfigured after death, they are remade with different clays. The body is then redressed and prepared for the funeral service.
You slipped my phone into your pocket and made me pick a ride. We had spent our money on wristbands, and “they shouldn’t be wasted.” I picked the one closest to me, coincidentally the one furthest from her. I made you promise that it would only be one ride before we finally went to go look for her. You nodded solemnly, then dragged me to the bright yellow slide. It was meant for kids, but you smiled when you looked at it. Your hands were wrapped around mine, and you dragged me around people, commenting before stopping. “Your hands are really cold.” You offered me one of the hot hands that were nestled in the pocket of your sweatshirt, insisting I take it before slipping it back after I shook my head. The line was long, but you agreed to go down with me, and stuck your tongue out at the guy who scoffed when handing us the potato sacks we were to sit on. We went carefully up the rickety stairs, and you leaned your head over the edge when we got to the top. We went down just as quickly as we came up, pushing our sacks back into the hands of the small children waiting to go next.
The rate of decomposition is highly dependent on the cause of death. Bodies may decay faster if they are exposed to the elements, wildlife or if they are in a warm environment. In a normal environment, 3 hours after death, rigor mortis sets in. After upwards of 72 hours postmortem, the internal organs begin to decompose due to cell death, and the body begins to emit pungent odors. 3-5 days later, bodily fluids will leak from orifices, the skin will lose its original color, turning to a light green. 2+ weeks later, the teeth and nails will fall out. Months later, the body will liquify into sludge. Eventually, the body will be left with only bones, and if not disturbed by animals, the skeleton may take 20 years to dissolve in fertile soil. However, in a warm environment, the body’s decomposition may speed up. Bacteria will also grow in a warm environment, accelerating the bacterial digestion of tissue.
Her mother found us right after we got down. I remember how close to my face she got, and even before she spoke, I could smell cigarette smoke coating her breath. Everything in her house always carried the faint smell of smoke, but when she had been up against my face, our noses almost touching, I realized how bad it was. She began to yell at me through the smell of fried dough and candies. I couldn’t make sense of her words, the sounds of a carnival show overpowered them. Her husband was behind her, giving me a vague look of pity. When she would yell at me, he wouldn’t help in the moment, but slipped me a tissue when she left to sit out on the porch. She wrapped her fingers around my wrist, meeting together near my veins. Her hands were hot where she was touching me, and I wondered that if she were to let go of me, would her hands be outlined on my wrists? I let her drag me towards the games, surprised my feet had not given out beneath me. I supposed that if they were to, she simply would’ve tightened her grip and continued to pull me through the dirt. Even when she let me go, her hands left angry marks on my skin, slightly warm to the touch. When I was finally allowed to leave, and had showered the smell of cigarettes off my skin, my ‘best friend’ texted me saying that “her mother could go to jail for this,” and that she “couldn’t believe I would lie about something like that.” I wondered what her mother told her.
My skin was still warm where she grabbed me, almost as if she was going to rub the cold from my arms only to realize that it wouldn’t be worth fixing. Almost as if she was willing to let me decompose all alone near the carnival rides.
